Pain, Anger, Forgiveness, Healing.

It's been awhile, but...I went to a church today. One that I said I would never go to again. A church that brings pain into my heart whenever I think about my parents. Especially, my father.

In our early years as a missionary family, this church was one of our main supporting congregations. I remember constantly hearing how the elders were trying to control the work my parents were doing. Dad was trying to build a work that would last for generations to come. Building widow's homes, orphanages, and schools to teach the people to depend on God and themselves as they grew as a nation. But the fight seemed to be that this supporting church wanted to build more church buildings to show the world how many churches could be planted in a war-torn country. Sadly, the people just wanted and needed food and shelter. Later on in my life, before my dad died, I saw old letters from some of the supporters that seemed to capture their desires. "Dear Mr. C, here's a dollar for your work. Please use it to help build more churches".

Since my father and mother knew they needed to get things done...many of those dollars went to feed people. Many dollars went to buy fishing boats for a small village so the people could fish and feed themselves, and hopefully build a business to support their community. Some dollars helped farmers buy what they needed to plant rice and vegetables. And yes, some did go into a few church buildings. Thankfully, not many.

Needless to say, the work was hard and the overseers were trying desperately to control the vision of my father. After this church gave up their support, some of the elders continued over the next 30 years to destroy my father and his work. The last time I had any contact with them was when a few of the old elders put together a meeting to change the purpose of the Bible College my dad started in 1958. Since my father was still living, though he could not mentally communicate his desires, my sister and I were allowed to go to this meeting. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to be a part of. The ones who were trying to change everything, were the elders from this church that I attended today. Thankfully, some good people from Korea had come to this meeting to let them know that they would fight to keep the vision my father had. To "Teach faithful men to teach others".

Pain and anger has been so much a part of my life. To know my father and mother gave everything they had to a nation that loved them and to see the hurt and destruction of men who wanted power to control...has been almost unbearable to live with. To see men who tried to destroy my fathers work, his family, and his legacy was certainly a reason why I left the "church". Thankfully, the church never left me.

I went to this church today because of a good friend who goes there. I respect him and know that his heart is pure and real. His life is an example of Christ Jesus and it is evident by his daily walk. I have to admit that since the church moved to a new location, it made it easier for me to accept his invitation.

As I sat through the service, my emotions were all over the place. I know the people have changed and there are only a handful of the old ones left. Sitting through and hearing the message I knew it was time for me to change. Time to ask forgiveness and time to allow God to heal my heart. It will be a process and there is still that anger that may be justified...but I know it's not worth holding on to. It's time to press on and let the healing begin.